olive oil + raspberries

It's definitely not run of the mill and certainly not suburban. Although I occasionally crave a semi in a safe urban stronghold. Somewhere near a shopping mall, the Gap, packet curries, films in English, Marks & Spencer's knickers... Instead, I have enough wild country to shake a stick at, a road that defies champion rally drivers and a house that drinks money like The Money Pit.

Home is an organic smallholding of 20 acres with 200 olive trees, a barn we rent and a restored pink garage I call my office. We produce 200 litres of extra virgin olive oil every year. It's not a commercial venture yet but we do trade with hunters and local farmers. The pantry is currently stocked with half a cow, badly butchered wild boar and litres of home-made Vin Santo.

Seeing as I'm the Farmer, I'm responsible for the up-keep of the farm. This year, projects include planting 1,674 raspberry seedlings in the field near the well. I've absolutely no idea what I'm doing but have been reliably informed by Claudio, our agricultural engineer, that they will turn a profit. Let's hope so. It has taken me over two months to secure a loan. I've had to seduce the Italian bank like Mrs. Robinson and even had to use my Dad's house as security.

I was greatly offended they didn't just give me the money straight away. I thought it was fairly obvious their money was safe with me. OK, I don't look like the traditional farmer (i.e. I'm not a man and I like fashion forward wellies) but I do know the difference between a raspberry and a strawberry! I should know, I've been studying for my agricultural certificate for two arduous months. The last time I took exams was in 1992 and the Divine Comedy was a walk in the park compared to photosynthesis and the anatomy of a cow!

Wish me luck with my exam and rest assured I will shove a pair of latex gloves in my Prada just in case...

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